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@Texas

Attend the China Export Commodities Fair biannually to present @@@ products and services.

goingconern(GoingConcern)
Orginal: Regularly on behalf of the company to participate in The China Export Commodities Fair to promote products to the public on site

Suggested: Attend the China Export Commodities Fair biannually to present @@@ products and services.

Comments:

1. Start a statement with a verb makes a stronger and more direct statement. The more important thing is to tell what you DO.

2. " On behald of the company " is not really necessary here, if you have already stated your position and employer in a resume (I assume?)

3. " Participate " sounds a bit less involving. Use a stronger verb, "attend".

4. The fair is held twice every year, so be more clear and straight forward, use "biannually". Check if it should be spelled as "bi-annually" or "biannually".

5. "Promote" sounds vague. People attend the Fair to first present products and services by their companies. So "present" contains more information and makes it more clear what you do fundamentally at the Fair.
(#8152182@0)
Last Updated: 2013-4-15
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 工作学习 / 外语学习 / 隆重感谢所有给本人前帖子发表意见的前辈和同学，请再次帮忙看看以下的句子。 -hank73(happymom); 2013-4-13 {128} (#8150131@0)
    Regularly on behalf of the company to participate in The China Export Commodities Fair to promote products to the public on site
    • 今天怎么这么冷清呀？因为明早上班的缘故都睡了？还是。。。 -hank73(happymom); 2013-4-14 (#8151148@0)
    • 大意是：定期代表公司参加中国出口商品交易会现场推广产品 -235(吃豹子); 2013-4-14 (#8151166@0)
    • Assisted in The China Export Commodities Fair(s). -c_w(/); 2013-4-14 (#8151168@0)
    • I am sorry for my comments on your previous post. It was rude and unacceptable. I don't intend to post any more comments, but I think I owe you one. Ok, here is my thinking on your current post and I hope it is helpful. -nothanks(ciel); 2013-4-15 {750} (#8151922@0)
      If this experience is closely related to the position you are applying, elaborate on it.

      Unless you were representing that company as an agent, delete “on behalf of the company”. “To the public on site” is unnecessary as it is an implied function pertaining to your previous job.

      An example for your reference:

      “Participated actively in promoting products (every year) in China Export Commodities Fair, setting up visual presentation, engaging potential clients, building up a contact database, conducting market surveys, raising brand awareness…”

      Keep adding functions to it if you have done more in the booth. If it is getting too long, then break it up into a neat structure to enhance clarity, maybe in a subset of points.
      • It's ok . I never mind. Any comments are welcome. -hank73(happymom); 2013-4-15 (#8153104@0)
      • 不谢哥是好样的！如果这是简历里的一个条款，还是简练一些的好，比如：　Promoted　（ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔｅｄ／ｓｏｌｄ／ｍａｎａｇｅｄ）　ｐｒｏｄｕｃｔｓ in The China Export Commodities Fair。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2013-4-15 (#8153131@0)
    • Attend the China Export Commodities Fair biannually to present @@@ products and services. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2013-4-15 {1004} (#8152182@0)
      Orginal: Regularly on behalf of the company to participate in The China Export Commodities Fair to promote products to the public on site

      Suggested: Attend the China Export Commodities Fair biannually to present @@@ products and services.

      Comments:

      1. Start a statement with a verb makes a stronger and more direct statement. The more important thing is to tell what you DO.

      2. " On behald of the company " is not really necessary here, if you have already stated your position and employer in a resume (I assume?)

      3. " Participate " sounds a bit less involving. Use a stronger verb, "attend".

      4. The fair is held twice every year, so be more clear and straight forward, use "biannually". Check if it should be spelled as "bi-annually" or "biannually".

      5. "Promote" sounds vague. People attend the Fair to first present products and services by their companies. So "present" contains more information and makes it more clear what you do fundamentally at the Fair.

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