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深蓝就是这个意思。觉得这应该是大家都懂的道理,怎么还要老猫这么酸叽叽的用英文来强调。

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  • 枫下家园 / 幸福家庭 / In a long term relationship, you can't make a decision simply based on right or wrong... You have to consult with your partner first.
    What you perceive as the right thing to do, your partner may have a totally different view. It is not fair to the other one if you did noy talk it through and get consensus. Someone may argue that this is my life, my decision, what I am doing is for the greater good...that's just excuses...you don't just live your life, you live the other's as well. Remember that.
    • 老猫说得好。难得支持你一下。
    • 一大长串,都是废话。。现在偶知道偶为啥写作文费劲了。。学习学习~~~
      • I am a happy man if everybody sees this post as how yo see it..a time well spent indeed
      • 就算这些是“废话”,不是还有好多人不明白其中的简单道理么。。。
        • 深蓝就是这个意思。觉得这应该是大家都懂的道理,怎么还要老猫这么酸叽叽的用英文来强调。
          • 你看看家坛那里的贴子。。。俺都无语了。。。
            • 嘿嘿,我是习惯了
          • ha, you know me well~~~silly cat always sees itself as Jesus...
            • silly? silly????
      • 我不知你为什么会认为这是废话,要知生活中就是有些人刚愎自用,做不到老猫说的那些
    • my dear, there is something call "part ways", simple as is.
      • silly cat does not understand
    • 刚看到这帖子,说得太对了,很希望我老公能看到,我老公就属于那种makes his decisions based on he thinks right. 根本不喜欢consult with his partner.
      • 这可不好. 他要是常来肉联我可得教育教育他.
        • 他来得不少,你们如果能教育得了他,我一定向你们磕头。。。
          • 飞越的老公, 看看这篇文章, 有问题可以问我. 谢谢.
            本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛ZT

            在男妇平等的今天,仍有许多男人有“大男子主义”思想,“大男子主义”思想仿佛是“毒瘤”,侵蚀着婚姻生活,危害着家庭的和谐稳定,损伤着妻子和下一代的心理健康和身体健康。“大男子主义”害人不浅。

            我认为,大男子主义,实质上是一种男女不平等、男子高于女子的表现。这种思想表现在:

            第一,在家里喜欢“以统治者自居”。有“大男子主义”思想的男人,认为自己的地位高于妻子,妻子是从属地位,家庭应由自己主宰,任何事情都应该由自己说的算,不需要与妻子商量,不需要听取妻子的意见。如果妻子提出异议,就是冒犯和挑战自己的权威。这样的家庭夫妻地位不平等,缺少沟通,妻子的人格得不到尊重。

            第二,不劳作家务,挑肥拣瘦。有“大男子主义”思想的男子往往不喜欢做家务,不喜欢带孩子,家务和孩子都甩给妻子。而妻子呢,除了和男人一样,需要上班,需要打拼,需要挣钱外,回家以后,还需要干额外的活,做饭、做家务、教育孩子。丈夫不知道心疼妻子,也不知道帮助妻子。有的丈夫不仅不干活,而且还常常指责妻子,说妻子饭菜做的不好吃,家里不够整洁,孩子教育的不好等等。当妻子反驳丈夫时,丈夫又指责妻子,“你一天都干啥了??”这样的丈夫只能让妻子的心凉个透,更别提温暖“二字”了。

            第三,思想偏执,态度粗鲁。有“大男子主义”思想的男人,思维方式单一,考虑问题简单,不能设身处地为妻子着想,不懂得换位思考,思想和观念很难发生变化,这样的男人往往耐心不够,说话不讲究方法,态度粗鲁蛮横,跟这样的男人根本没有道理可讲。

            第四,忽略妻子的感受,不体贴妻子。有“男子主义”思想的丈夫不懂得怜香惜玉,不懂得关爱妻子,不懂得心疼妻子。尤其是妻子生病了也不知道细心苛护,不会细心地照料。妻子遇到重大难题和坎坷时,不懂得安慰妻子,不为妻子分忧,甚至对妻子置之不理,冷漠至极。

            第五,打骂孩子,与下一代存在沟通障碍。有“大男子主义”思想的男人,往往认为棍棒出孝子,打骂能成材。不去了解孩子的心理,认为不需要跟孩子讲道理,不需要讲那么多的“废话”,常认为爱犯错误、出轨的孩子可恶,简单是没法教育,谁摊上这样的孩子,父母倒霉透了,从不认为自己的教育方法有问题。孩子也不愿和这样的父亲相处,心理经常受到伤害,性格懦弱,影响孩子的个性成长。

            有了上述缺点的丈夫们呢,常常以自己不吃喝嫖赌,自己是个好男人而自居,觉得自己已经相当不错了,妻子应该知足。妻子们呢,也往往试图改变他,怎耐丈夫们的“大男子主义”思想根深蒂固,哪能轻易改变得了?为了孩子能有一个完整的、安定的家,许多妻子只好忍气吞声,压抑自己,长期地忍受下去,抑郁地生活,牺牲了自己的幸福。

            唉!“大男子主义”思想太害人了!女人们找对象,一定要“睁大眼睛”,对未来的丈夫“全面考察”,谨防自己嫁给有“大男子主义”思想的男人!有“大男子主义”思想的男人呢,希望看了这篇文章以后,能了解一下妻子的感受,反省自己,改一改“大男子主义”“毛病”,多爱惜自己的妻子,多尊重自己的妻子和儿女,让自己的家充满温馨,充满和谐,充满欢乐!更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
            • 为刺哥鼓掌
            • 从小的家庭生活环境是主因,除非女的够强势,否则很难改。
            • 谢谢刺哥! "不仅不干活,而且还常常指责妻子,说妻子饭菜做的不好吃" "当妻子反驳丈夫时,丈夫又指责妻子,“你一天都干啥了??”这样的丈夫只能让妻子的心凉个透,更别提温暖“二字”了" 说得真是太象了。。。
              • you spoiled him through such a long time. image what if you had given him the correction feedback years ago? but nothing is too late. start from now.
      • If his decisions are beneficial to the family, at the end of the day, why would you want to be consulted?
        • ???
          • he makes half of the decisions, and she makes the other half. what's the problem to you ???不是嫁鸡随鸡,嫁狗随狗么?自己开发自己的那一边天不好么?婚姻中自然要有牺牲的。
            • well, i can't really comment, can i? the structure and decision making process in each family can be quite different....nevertheless, "beneficial to the family, at the end of the day," sounds a bit too subjective.. with too many assumptions..
              • when survival becomes an issue, do you go out to bring more income or you fight on how to cut expenses?
                • and should it be a decision of one person?
                  • error identification and error correction process kicks in. he is not dummy i would assume. of course he can't think he is smarter than everybody else either.
                    • i just thought it is not fair for one person to make a decision that has an impact to the other one.. no matter what it is..i.e. great self sacrifice to save the whole family etc..
              • he makes decisions based on certain reasons, she may or may not know. if the decisions are not right, he, with a higher education I would imagine, will compare her inputs (either consult or she voluntarily gave) to think better solutions later on.
        • Any decision made by more than one person is likely a loucy one. The only consultation/concensus needed is who makes decison on what. The other person provides decision support on requst only.
          • he also needs to convince her why such a decision was made to gain trust from her, at least more than 5 times out of 10. this way she can be on board with most of the decisions he makes. he needs to give her freedom to make her own decision.
            • Any decision power comes with accountability. Decisions need to be defendable and justifiable.
              • in a family, not everything is scientific, due to the fact that we are humans, we have emotions too.
                • Principle has to be rigorous, and delivery can be pragmatic/flexible.
                  • she is the wife, the mother of their child, she needs more care than he average treats others, not less.
                    • That's true.
              • 可以看出来如来有点儿大男子主义. 在家还是在公司呀? 我角得你是CEO.
                • And why wouldn't that be 大女子主义?  -cca(不归的如来佛); 21:25 (#7270170@0)
                  • 搞了半天, 原来如来是女性?
                    • 倡导大女子主义便是女性,那么倡导马克思主义就全是马克思了?
                      • 虽然是给飞越老公的, 你也借借光吧. #7269952@0
                        • Thank you but No, thank you. None applicable, and highly vulnerable to subjectiveness. Life is much more complicated than that.
                          • can be (made) simple too.
                            • I am a big fan of simplicity. You know that.:-)
                              • then how about this replacement statement - life is too short.
                                • Totally.
          • many times it is not about the decision itself, but how to get it there...the objective of having a family, many times, is not to be most effective in making a decision..but the process of making one.. even a lousy one..
            • My policy at home is to shy away from making decisions as much as I could, and on the ones I am forced to, I like to make sure their integrity.
              • 试举例说明
              • why shy away from participating in making a decision, how trivial it seems? it is how a family work, isn't it? that's how we build our trust relationship with the other one, and how we can make major decisions together..
                • To give freedom to decision maker. Not quite an operatinal/executive type of person. I instead tend to enforce principles -- such as to always honor commitments on time and responsibilities.
                  • only if you have a team or the rest principles still on board with ya.
                    • I guess principles come with a price -- to give a dump example, I can't appease mikesmith at the cost of harming ThornThorn.
                      • can you appease milesmith at the expense of yourself? if one of the principles is yourself, then you ask yourself, if and/or when you are willing to compromise?
                        • Much easier.:-)
                          • .
                            don't ever make significant decisions too soon. you may or may not be able to afford a loss. sustaining and finding out values is way better than re-gaining, pending an opportunity of re-gaining is still available. 共勉
          • 这有点大男子主义啊.
            • 55%
              • 原来小溪妹妹是百依百顺的贤妻良母啊.
                • not really. i made 5% decisions years ago, now he found out my decisions have values. i earned it.
            • 100%
            • 0% -- how could you draw any conclusion out of a symmetric/neutral statement?
              • 你说不是一个人做的决定就是loucy one吗.
                • And why wouldn't that be 大女子主义?
                  • 字典里没有这个词哈。
                  • 如果你家都是你老婆做主, 那就是大女子主义.
                    • That's actually closer to truth.:-)
                      • Or you meant reality? 那就奇怪了.
                        • Ironical, eh?:-)
    • 每个婚姻都是不一样的,没有什么事情是have to的,只要是夫妻一心,决定是怎么来做,谁来做都不重要了。
      • can't really comment, can i? the structure and decision making process in each family can be quite different....nevertheless, "夫妻一心" sounds a bit too subjective.. with too many assumptions..
        • 你的观点又何尝不是"a bit too subjective.. with too many assumptions", 归根结底,人和人是不同的,适用于你的不见得就适用于其他人。没有什么事情是have to的。
          • well, "love" "caring" "compassion" "partnership" "trust" are a few have to 's in any healthy long term relationship
            • 我脑子慢,我以为我们在讨论decision making, 而不是the fundamentals of a healthy long term relationship, 如果是讨论这个问题的话,你说得都对。