本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛If I am choosing a place to live, I think location is THE most important among all the(NO THE) OTHER features.

Location connects with our life seamlessly -A WRONG SENTENCE . When a location is decided, many factors such as environment, safety, culture , are also decided consequently ( NO CONSEQUENTLY).

There is no doubt that location decide FORGOT 'S' environment. When I first came here, I found it was amazing that there are so many difference between different locationS. (STOP AT HERE) . even across only one block( CONFUSING) . While one district is full of prosperity, guilty and poor may BE in another district ( TOO SENSITIVE, CONFUSING SENTENCE).

Furthermore, I would like first consider location because it link LINKS with ( NO WITH) convenience (LINKS CONVENIENCE-- WRONG) . Every day people must work and at the weekend they may go to shopping center( PEOPLE MUST WORK EVERYDAY...). So a good place must be easy to go to(ACCESS IS BETTER THAN GO TO) the (NO THE) working place and the (NO THE)shopping center. This is why we can see in many rent advertisement there is so many `location sentence` such as `near subway, shopping center, walking distance to…..(LONG AND CONFUING SENTENCE)`.

At last, an excellent location can provide a fascinating scene(VIEW). YOU CAN Imagine how beautiful it will WOULD be when IF we live a house overlooking a park or a lake. That will be (IS) my dream( WILL BE? SO WHAT IS YOUR DREAM NOW?).

Besides(,) location also affect(S) education quality(NO QUALITY, EDUACTION IS ENOUGH) while (IF) a family have (HAS) a child.

Although there is many other reason (S) to (select other factors to) chose a house(, in my opion), (there is nothing more important than location in a determination. ) LOCATION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

basically you wrote a good essay and listed out your opinions in good order. but contents seems a bit loose. TWE is testing whether you have the ability to develop your opinions - speak out your opinion and use reasons / facts etc. to support it. for example, you mentioned location is related with education but you didn't develop your opinion there.

if you don't have good typing skills so that you can write 400-500 words in 30mins, i would suggest you limit your body paragraph to max 3. make sure of developing each paragraph sufficiently and try to use more written english words but not too colloquial.

the above is only for your reference. my english is not so good so my posting may full of errors. i am trying to write more in english to improve myself. thank you for taking your time to read it.

1. The structure of the essay is not clear. I suggest you build a template for TOEFL essay writing and put every topic in this template. The structure of essay will improve dramatically;

2. As Jiang said, pay more attention to odd / plural numbers;

3. So many sentence are in Chinglish style. That means when you write this eaasy you translate Chinese into English. This is a bad habbit for all non-native writers. Try to avoid it;

4. Too many paragraphs.