本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Generation Gaps:
1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG 2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock 2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool 2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot 2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems 2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints 2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed 2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW 2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead 2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint 2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones 2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office 2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Disco 2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid 2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers' test 2002: Passing the vision test
1972: Whatever 2002: Depends
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Lessons from Kids
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Poor woman.
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG 2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock 2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool 2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot 2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems 2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints 2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed 2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW 2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead 2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint 2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones 2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office 2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Disco 2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid 2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers' test 2002: Passing the vision test
1972: Whatever 2002: Depends
==================================================================
Lessons from Kids
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Poor woman.
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net